It's been, what, almost six years since I did my last introduction? Jeez, time flies. I feel old now. I know the feeling persists when I get even older and look back at what I'm writing right now, but still.
Old. A lot's changed since then of course. So here's my second introduction for those who are new to this blog, as well as a recap for those who've been here all these years.
Some things that have stayed the same:• My name. Obviously. I know many trans and non-binary folk out there want to change their name to fit their true gender identity better, and I know it's not common practice to take a feminine name and slap a masculine nickname onto it, but I like my nickname and I have nothing against my full name. It would get even more confusing for me if I suddenly had to keep my ears open for a different name, lest someone call out to me but get no response. And my name is derived from the Ancient Greek word/name for Victory. Who can say no to being called Victory?
• I could still describe myself as "an angry philosopher" (quoted from my younger self's private journal). I like to think of the great and existential subjects and I'm still pretty mad at the world. A perfect combination for absurdism and a kafkaesque bitterness, now that I think of it. I guess that's just who I am.
• I still own that same plushie, Léo the Llama (actually an alpaca with a double identity crisis). Léo's been through a lot and I've had to learn how to sow to fix any signs of wear and tear, but a patchy messy plushie is still a lovable plushie. One could argue the ship of Theseus is no longer the same once all the planks have been replaced one by one, but I would argue, especially in Léo's case, that being different doesn't equate to becoming a wholly separate entity or object. I am different than 14-year-old me. Does that turn me into someone else entirely? No. I'm still Nick Valster, Theseus' ship is still Theseus' ship, and Léo is still Léo. Different, but not something else.
Some things that have changed:• My age. Obviously. I didn't think I'd make it past 20, and here I am now, less than a month away from celebrating the end of my second decade on Earth. I would love to say that I'm wiser now. But I might've grown less sure and secure than before. Life-long learning, I guess.
• I have finally achieved financial independence! Years of working towards it, and ever since moving out on my own I've finally achieved it. Got a job (can't escape the capitalism while I'm still stuck with human society), pursued my own goals for once, could finally breathe without being judged for it every god damn second. At last, my living place has finally become an actual home. Time to start living my life.
• I don't know how I managed to survive my teenage years without a schedule. I do have one now and it's one of the only things keeping me sane when life gets tough. I guess I just didn't feel comfortable enough living with my parents to explore what does and doesn't work for me. I was just surviving one day at a time back then. Thank god that part's changed too, living for tomorrow is so much easier than trying to survive the next few hours.
• It took a while but I finally found a good friend during my high school years. We can match each others' wavelengths way better than anyone has ever managed before and we even write a blog together about the mysteries of this island (somebody once decided it would be a good idea to kidnap and most likely murder eleven people from a specific area)(I live in said area by the way, but it's been quiet for years by now).
• I'm less angsty now that I'm older. Or at least I've learned how to make it look like that. I don't think any of my repressed emotions have gone away or changed drastically, but I've found ways to express it more subtly and work my way around them better. Dumped it at the bottom of my priority list though. And it needs a lot more work done before it's ever presentable.
• I may or may not have done some less-than-legal things recently. Nothing harmful, just not according to what the rich, old, white guy who died centuries ago would've wanted. I remember being scared to break the rules. My parents insisted some very, very scary things would happen to me and to others if I did. But not long after moving across the Atlantic, I realised not all rules serve a purpose anymore, and if no harm is done, then it's none of your business whether I do things a different way or not.
I've probably missed something. I'm still not goot at writing exhaustive lists on the spot. But, as I like to stress every now and then, a person's true colours will reveal themselves over extended exposure from multiple angles. If you still want to get to know me, feel free to stick around (without being a dick!). It's not like I'm suddenly gonna get kidnapped and murdered tomorrow. Hopefully.
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